Listening - an underrated super power
Many years ago, while part of a consulting team, I attended a course titled "Integrity in Selling." The core message of this training was that listening should comprise 80% of a conversation, with speaking accounting for only 20% when engaged in business development. It applies too for any activity that requires building trust in a relationship. This lesson has been invaluable throughout my 25-year career as a Coach and Trainer, and I remain forever grateful for it.
As professionals, especially those trained to be experts in their fields, it can be challenging to resist the urge to showcase our knowledge and feel valued for it. However, I must admit that nothing frustrates me more than witnessing someone who should know better than to dominate a conversation. Such interactions often leave both parties feeling unsatisfied, and the conversation ends or the other party finds a way out.
Career coaching has taught me that deep listening is essential for truly understanding the person I’m engaging with. It allows me to pick up on the subtle nuances of their experience and emotions—those little hints of grief, frustration, or joy. If I’m not actively listening, I risk missing their needs, which may lead to disengagement and complaint.
I wrote a poem about this topic last year, and while I won’t embarrass myself by sharing it, one line resonates: "All my learning comes from listening." This implies the personal learning involved in setting aside one’s ego and creating space for the issues or situations at hand to unfold. It demands humility and a comfort with uncertainty—being okay with not having all the answers.
When I observe a professional monopolizing a conversation, I can’t help but think about their insecurities. The art of listening is crucial for career development, regardless of one’s position. I once attended a conference where a keynote speaker presented her research on successful leaders within the top 500 companies. Her findings revealed that effective leaders ask many questions and engage in far less telling.
This insight is particularly relevant in career coaching, as many workplace challenges stem from either a lack of listening or feeling unheard. Next month, I’ll be conducting a workshop at Selwyn Community College titled "Navigating Difficult Conversations." This workshop will not only provide practical techniques but will also delve into the psychology of individuals, emphasizing the importance of being comfortable in one’s own skin to listen authentically and respond constructively.
Active listening is a true superpower—it demands our full presence in the moment and creates the foundation for generative conversations. These are the kinds of conversations where mutual learning occurs and shared understanding deepens.
Kaye Avery
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